Anger is something which we have been living with for quite sometime now – desperate to get rid of. Last week when I was watching the television, my sister tuned into a different channel and gave me a naughty smile. I shouted really hard at her, grabbed the remote and continued with my earlier channel. She moved away giving me her usual curses. Then after sometime I came to know from her, that she did it for fun and she didn’t really mean to watch any channel. Then something struck me inside my mind!!! Yes, it was my resolution a couple of months back, not to lose my temper at ease (atleast I should try to maintain my composure to the maximum possible extent). But I am afraid that I have broken this resolution a handful of time in these few days. I always think that keeping myself calm and holding a smiling face all the time is the simplest way to keep away from anger. But success isn’t that easy.
Even at work, when somebody behaves/acts in a way that doesn’t suit us – the first feeling that comes into our mind is anger. The question that keeps intriguing me – is there any rational and step-by-step way to control your anger? I read from many books that meditation, counting numbers etc. are some of the means to control our anger. But sometimes anger comes out in a fit of rage and realization/evaluation of the situation comes much later – when you have lost everything.
One of the ways that I have come up with to keep my temper within control is – “pessimistic optimism”. For instance, assume that you have been waiting for your friend (not a close one) to pay back the money that he has borrowed from you and you take the initiative to ask him about this (for this you travel all the way to your friend’s house as he can’t be communicated by any other means). If you have premeditated that he will give you the money right away but he asks for a week’s extension – the first feeling that comes to your mind is anger. Instead, you mix some amount of pessimism with your optimism and expect the worst – I sometimes feel that the anger can be controlled. Though you are not happy about your friend doing this to you-you have your anger well within your control. You can think before reacting-because you anticipated the situation. But this mix of pessimism has its own limits, which depends on the situation. Sometimes being too pessimistic can reduce your confidence – like taking an examination etc.
So I feel that carefully being a little pessimistic, in a highly optimistic situation might help you to keep your anger within control. There is a big difference between between giving a vent to your anger and keeping your anger in control – the former involves bitter feeling between 2/more individuals while the latter is purely personal. I have decided that, though I cannot totally avoid being angry, I can try and control my anger, so that the fit of rage doesn’t play a spoilsport to relationships.